Not sure if it’s burn out. Frustration. Home sickness. Or simply the heat. But. There’s a sense of stillness within me and my friends.Our level of enthusiasm has lowered. The spunk has waned. The glee is minimal.
I sometimes feel unappreciative. Living in Paris going to cooking school. And my only response is how lonely, difficult, and frustrating life is some days. Recent visitors – James, parents, father-in-law – temporarily spark things up.
Free days are becoming more difficult to fill. The interest of exploring Paris has ceased. Too much free time releases my wandering mind. Thoughts of the future stress me out. Ideas about school are second guessed. And my emotional-self is unfulfilled.
My time here. With you. Inside my blog. Is a chance to share what is happening in life. Yes, it is an opportunity to glimpse inside Le Cordon Bleu. And yes, it is where we laugh about foreign living. But, it is also a place where we talk about daily emotions.
From the initial frustration I shared about trying to speak French. To the joy I realized when I did well in school. All the way to the pain I felt every time I said goodbye to James.
I spend much of my time trying to wrangle the darting thoughts in my head. Attempting to find a job. Worrying about an upcoming practical. Figuring out how to pack. Concerned that the laundry is taking too long. Unsure why my friends are in funks. Reminiscing past visits. Along fifty other thoughts, they bounce uncontrollably in my brain.
Like life. This process of LCB/Paris waxes and wanes. Ebbs and flows. Rises and falls. There was never an expectation that everyday would be filled with rapture. I knew full well moments of sadness, confusion, second guessing, and loneliness would be part of the deal.
I didn’t know it would be this hard, I sometimes think to myself.
Less than two months remaining. These emotions that my friends and I share. Will certainly pass.
What goes down, must come up.
We have times in our lives where the new, the adventure, the future beckon us forward. We have times where we settle into a rhythm of the daily way of life, the routine and for lack of better words, a sameness of getting things done. Then there is the unknown future. We may know where we are going, maybe some of how we are to get there but there is so much unknown. But we stride forward any how as we know we need to get there. Ebb and flow is natural in all things. As long as we don't let ourselves get stuck or mired along the way, we succeed in moving forward. Remember that saying, "It is not the destination but the journey to get there" that there is light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not a train) and one day we will bathe in that light that shines on our accomplishments. That one day, we will be where we are destined to be. One day we look back at our journey and know it was how it was so we could be where we are. Hold that future dear as you will have earned it well.
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