1/3 Assessment

If you can believe it. Three Paris-months have passed. A third of Le Cordon Bleu is completed. And the first quarter of 2010 has closed. Assessment time.

Budget. Surprisingly good. Hotels, market-foods, and bakeries are cheaper than I expected. Personal sundries and café lunches on the other hand, are above my initial forecast. The biggest cost-saver has been entertainment – what I do with my free-time.

Culinary students are humorously predictable. In our free-time, we cook. Partly to practice. Mainly to quench an artistic passion. It is common – especially on Sundays – to meet fellow students at the market. Menu-less. To shop. Strolling around we pick up ingredients that look appetizing, or strange, or fresh. And slowly – student by student – the menu comes together.

Returning home we spend 2, 3, or 6 hours cooking. Chatting. And eating. It’s entertainment and dinner. As a standard, a cheese board always takes form first– to nosh on as the rest of the dishes develop.

Croissants are my favorite. After losing 5 pounds in the first month – and only enjoying three buttery crescent rolls – I changed pace. One per day. After two months my load has remained unaltered.

French cooking – all that butter – was expected to fatten me up. I was determined otherwise. There is something in the Parisian air that leads to a healthier lifestyle. Croissants, baguettes, cheese by the truckload, and pomme frits, I guess, are no-cal here.

Academics. A roller-coaster first three months. The anxiety about first practicals. Confusion on recipe sequences. And the near heart-attack-inducing-final-exams.

I was concerned – fixated, actually – on my grades. Worried about tomorrow’s performance while neglecting today’s. Stewing about what the chef said to me. I was going a bit crazy.

Basic Cuisine passed by with disappointment. Looking back there were missed opportunities and lost moments. All because of misguided focus. But then. I think perhaps not. Maybe that is the point of Basic. To get in, get acclimated, and to realize that the stress. The grades. The anxiety. Is all for not.

I don’t recall when, but there was a moment. When all the ill of before faded away. I am in culinary school. In Paris, for hell’s sake! Do well and learn, yes. But, enjoy too.

Improved performance and released appreciation has blossomed. Permitting me to delight all along.

I thought after three months my heart would grow stronger. Everyday away from James is a challenge. Rapture in what and where I am. But. Loneliness without him by my side. Loneliness without me by his side. Knowing that I am missing his life develop is saddening.

We have seen each other once a month so far, albeit for 48-hour stints. This has helped stretch us forward. We talk, sharing our lives the best we can, as often as possible. Mainly I go through life thinking of him. Pretending he was with me. Having small conversations in my head. Wondering how he would react.

There’s no solution. Or really anything else to say here. Point is. I miss him.

Tomorrow marks month number four. Amazing. Where to now?